How it all began...

The uncensored woman

I agree: I become his possession. And not only that. He says it will bring pleasure and more pleasure. Endless pleasure. But that is not what this is about for me. I feel the deeper meaning of what is happening. Something has to change. I want to be somewhere, instead of trying to get somewhere all the time. I yearn for freedom and living from my own energy. I feel that the only way to do this, is by bonding myself to him. He is the Magician and I am his little princess. By his hand I enter a secret reality that surpasses any normal perception.

I knew something, but the world denied it, so I thought it could not be true. I began to discard myself, until the point was reached where I couldn't go back and I had to commit suicide. Then came the doubt, the searching, the presumption, the hope, the words, Nietzsche and again, there was the knowing. But still I didn't find recognition in the outside world. There was nothing else I could do, but continue to search for what the litte voice of my soul kept whispering. But at no point could I reach home. I couldn't manage to exist in the moment, as fulfilment of myself. I kept on being a spectator of life. Never the whole story - in all her subtle layers and dimensions - was told (and made liveable). Until he appeared. I recognised him immediately and felt him vibrate in every pore of my being. Since then, I am no longer alone.

*

Many women desire him. He chooses the ones that move him. He brings these women to submission and makes them his girls. According to him, these women want surrendering and pleasure. They want to be a woman, and at the same time a little girl. He approaches them on both levels and connects with their soul, their neuroses and their love. They are captured by him, because he is always a step ahead and does whatever is needed. As a shaman he moves through their hidden territories. He binds them, changes them and re-frames them into their perfect shape. He moulds them into what the creator intended them to be. And this power gives him pleasure. He says that I am different. The love which I am capable of is bigger than that of all these women. These women are actually focussed on themselves and use him to heal themselves. That they become dependent is the price they are gladly willing to pay, it doesn't mean much to them. He says that I am willing to go to the max for him, the utmost extreme. That I am willing to be destroyed.

He sees what kind of girl I am and says that he can feel my beauty. His words and energy penetrate me directly. There is no other possibility than to listen to him and to love him. He breaks through the illusion of freedom and not breaking loose from myself, by taking possession of me. My body becomes his, to freely have at his disposal whenever he wants to. If he wants to beat me, I receive it. If he wants to play with my pussy for hours and hours, I offer myself and am completely accessible. If he wants to let me be used by others, I allow it. Because there is nothing else I want more than to be his pleasure. That this arouses me extremely in the meantime, he knows. He knows everything. He sees my unconscious desires and makes them come true. He brings me beyond morality and makes me feel that it is right.  

*

This is who I am, nothing more. A tarnishing encounter with myself. He breaks my resistance and reminds me continuously of the beautiful woman I am. A woman with a body. Together with him I move through the tunnel of fear, in the direction of a light that shines brighter and brighter. It blinds me, until my retinas burn. Love, joy and pure life energy warm my soul as a powerful summer sun. For the first time in my life, I am able to feel who I am, and I see by not seeing. My body is born, stripped of old conditioning and possessing a new kind of sensibility. I am glowing and present in the world again.

 

 

It is impossible to deceive myself any longer now. I begin aquiring what I have always repressed and what I was constantly struggling with. He says that I am a brave girl. There aren't may women who dare to allow this layer or to enter it voluntarily, for that implicates the fear; fear of who they are, in uncensored form. And that requires strength, firmness and above all deep rooted certainty about ones own destiny.

*

Together with him I journey through the wild and wonderful landscape of the soul. He knows the contours of this area. It enforces him to change as well, into his own shape. He never expected this. Yet the wild wise woman knew that her surrender would mean his disappearance in her womb. The beginning of a passionate dance of untamble forces of nature. His other girls aren't there anymore. No one else was here with us before. So completely naked and at the mercy of one another. Comforted by an unimaginable degree of idiosyncrasy. Nourished by the love, that sets us free. There is no higher delight than to be who you truly are. And to know that you are never alone.

~

12 September 2010

Postscript: after four years this relationship changed into a beloved friendship and the little girl grew into a woman (who meanwhile is moving herself on the other side of the spectrum ;-)).

 

© 2015 by ❥LunatiKa❣

Last update: 27-11-2020